It’s been less than a pleasant winter weather-wise for most of us. Spring is finally here and it’s time to start enjoying the wonderful climate we wait so patiently for. It has been said and written many times by many people when questioned by those who no longer live here or never did, “Why do you live there?” One of the responses from die-hard Winnipeggers is, “Well, we get to enjoy all four seasons.”
I used to think that. I used to believe it. As I get older, I no longer do. I love spring. It’s the season of hope. I love summer. Who doesn’t? I’m not as fond of fall as I used to be as it’s the daily reminder of the cold and snow that is just around the corner.
So, even though we’re all in a much better mood than we were a month ago, here are a few more thoughts to ponder to increase your mental well-being:
• The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.
• Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.
• Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.
• When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
• Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”
• Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
• If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.
• Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
• I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
• Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.
• So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?
• I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
• Old age is coming at a really bad time.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
• Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
• Even duct tape can't fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.
• It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.
• Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
• “One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house.
Jim was a writer-broadcaster, producer and presenter on television and radio for 40 years. He is also a podcast host on Lifestyles 55 Digital Radio. Find Radio Redux and Mid-Century Memories at www.whatsupwinnipeg.ca